Burb Rocking
Monday, January 02, 2006
  Browncoats Official Fan Site...gone...
So I'm not done posting about last year's scifi sleeper Serenity. This surprises anyone? (By the way, guess what movie is reigning supreme on Amazon.com right now? Hint: Serenity (Widescreen Edition) .) The official fan site will shut down in a matter of hours. So I am skimming it as fast as I can (not very fast), picking the bones before there's nothing left.

First, there are these:

Glam Cast Pix
Gals of Serenity
Guys of Serenity
More Serenity Pix

But let's not forget the Mutant Enemy Photo Album:



(Adventures can make people tense.)

This one hints at the insane devotion of some fans, who actually went so far as to pool their money to purchase an ad which appeared on Variety's back cover (I was one of them):



On the subject of art and images related to the movie, my favorite thread from the soon-to-be-defunct Browncoats : Official Serenity Fan Site is/was "Design your own Serenity DVD cover." (Me, I thought this would have been a decent cover.) Much of the absolutely out-of-this-world artwork created by the fans will be lost. Or at least become very scattered and hard to find on the Web. Here's a wallpaper by long-time fan 11th Hour from Firefly/Serenity Alt Cover Designs by 11th Hour.

Now, between the paragraph above and this one looms an invisible interlude enclosing an excellent meal enjoyed by the family. Who gathered a short while ago in the kitchen where this is being typed. When I returned to the keyboard, I was unable to pull up the Browncoats site. And I was sad, because I'd hoped to include a short scene I'd written for fun and posted there. The inspiration? A thread speculating about a romance between characters River and Jayne. C'est la Web, right? So a friendly warning to one and all:

Beware this slippery virtual world, sorely lacking in the longevity and survivability of civilization's other archives and artifacts.

Anyway, for better or for worse, I was able to bring the page back up after a number of tries. As a result, here is a small window into the warped mind of a fan:

RIVER [rounds corner of passageway as crewmember approaches from other direction, sights crewmember and then marches purposefully toward him, plants a kiss on startled Jayne]

JAYNE [eyes bulging wide, pulling back quickly]: What'n the gorram 'verse you playin' at, girl?!

RIVER: I'm not complete. I should be complete.

JAYNE: An' what's that got ta do with you kissin' me all sudden like?

MAL [just then coming upon the two on his way forward, folding his arms and appraising the face-off]: Yeah, don't you have some kind of rule about kissin' girls? Which I forget right now, but it had to do with where you kiss 'em. [Quickly holds up hand warningly] Not that I want to know. In fact, please consider that an order not to tell me.

JAYNE: Don't worry. I'm figgerin' I'm 'bout to get stabbed or worse, an' this here was just the set-up.

MAL: Maybe. But I'm figgerin' different. River?

RIVER: Completion manifests as oneness. Makes continuity possible. All life seeks completion and continuity. I'm alive. [Takes step toward Jayne, lips puckering]

JAYNE [almost falling over in his hurry to back away]: Yeah? Well, I'm alive, too, an' plan on keepin' it that way. So I'll be goin' my own way now.

MAL: Hold on a second. Got something I need to talk to you about later. Where will you be?

JAYNE [in a quiet voice, with a worried, almost scared glance toward River]: In my bunk. [Hastily retreats]

MAL [turning to River]: You, why don't you come with me. I'm about to set down to somethin' I can be persuaded to call food. On the way, you can tell me how you bein' complete connects with making Jayne more confused than usual. Easy as that is to do.

RIVER [doubtfully joining Mal on his way to the galley]: Being complete leads to less confusion.

MAL: Should. But things aren't often the way they should be. Any reason torturing poor Jayne by tryin' to kiss him should do anything but make for more confusion? An' I'm not even includin' your brother's reaction when I say that.

RIVER: Kaylee completes Simon. Happy and not confused.

MAL [entering galley, where Simon is placing a steaming bowl on the table before Inara]: Oh, I wouldn't be so sure about that last part. [Addressing the galley's occupants] So what do we have here? Food of some kind? Soup, I'm hoping?

INARA: Actually, it seems we have a baker hiding out on Serenity, choosing this moment to step from the shadows of obscurity into the limelight of fame and fortune. Within the confines of this ship, that is. Which is still an achievement, since some here are even more famous than they'd like to be.

MAL: I believe "famous" isn't really the right word. Try "wanted."

INARA: I stand corrected.

MAL: Baker? So...not soup?

SIMON: Bread pudding. For the whole crew tonight, if I've modified the recipe properly in order to make use of available ingredients. Inara has volunteered to be my guinea pig.

RIVER: Miners use canaries.

SIMON: But my creation is not to be inhaled. It should be carefully sampled. Possibly even nibbled. It's been many years since I played baker in school. [Turns his attention to Inara expectantly]

INARA [lifts some of the desert to her lips, closes eyes and tastes it, all done unselfconsciously but also somewhat sensuously]

MAL [watches as intently as Simon, maybe more so, seeming a little disconcerted]

SIMON: And the verdict is...?

INARA [swallows food, slowly opens eyes]: Good. V-e-ery good. Delicious.

MAL [sarcastic, trying to sound innocent]: So you didn't really enjoy it, then?

INARA [sparing a sharp glance for Mal]: On the contrary, I can't recall anything better ever being served in this galley.

SIMON [beaming, holding a wooden spoon triumphantly aloft]: Success!

MAL: Well, I can.

INARA: And when was that?

MAL [smiling slightly]: A meal made especially for Yours Truly. A meal fit for a king made by someone tryin' like hell to treat me like one.

INARA: I take it this person was unaware of your career as a petty thief?

MAL: Entrepreneur. Am I gonna hafta loan you my dictionary? [Turns to River] So about this torturing of Jayne. I'm thinkin' it should stop.

RIVER: Why shouldn't I be complete? I'm a live girl.

MAL: No, even more so you're a lively girl. Full of mischief, I might add. Mischief, which leads to trouble, so I've been told. So no more kissin' Jayne, hear? Throws him off his otherwise charming disposition.

SIMON [mouth wide with horror, drops container of bread pudding to the floor]: Wh-a-a-a-at???!!!

- - - - - -

I could go on, but you get the idea. Next Inara tries to soothe Simon with what she hopes is a reassuring explanation of River's strange behavior. (Inexperienced girls sometimes like to experiment, and it's all perfectly innocent, etc.)

For his part, Mal assures Simon that Jayne would never be allowed to take advantage of River on his watch, that all crew are under his personal protection while aboard Serenity. And he forbids Simon to confront Jayne over something which, if anything, River started. River expresses curiosity about romance, and Mal makes eye contact with Inara - imploring eye contact. Inara takes River by the hand and invites her to her shuttle, where she will provide some of the information River is seeking. Reassuring everyone that this information will be had without recourse to further experiments upon Jayne. To everyone's visible relief.

But, as Mal attempts to distract the doctor and also to get himself fed at the same time by asking if there is any way he might be able to have some of what Inara was having, River looks over her shoulder at Mal and her brother while Inara leads her away. She smiles and whispers, "Mal. Latin for 'bad.' But 'fem' is short for 'female.' And 'mal' is short for 'male'..."

Perhaps I'll post more, but this ode to the official fan site has gone on too long already. Time to end it. That wallpaper mentioned earlier:

 
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